It might also be a good idea to set boundaries. For example, “When you did XYZ, it upset me because it reminded me of my relationship with ABC.” You may want to explain where your feelings come from. Try to communicate and set boundariesĬommunication is key when it comes to dealing with difficulties in your relationships.Ī 2021 study involving 94 married women concluded that communication skills can help reduce marriage burnout. You may want to start with “positive intent” or giving them the benefit of the doubt. The point of this isn’t to make excuses for your partner’s behavior, but to check in with reality and hear them out. This may be the moment to use your active listening skills. What’s going on?” Your partner might apologize and explain how they were feeling and why. It might be that your partner genuinely forgot, or that there was a miscommunication, or that they thought you were coming along too.Īs another example, you might say, “You were really harsh when we spoke earlier, and it hurt. You might want to say something like, “I felt really hurt that you made plans on Saturday night because I thought we were spending time together. The best way to consider their perspective is to ask for it, of course. But perhaps they didn’t realize that they hurt your feelings. Perhaps they really were being inconsiderate. Try to understand why your partner acted the way they did. Just because there are some similarities to your past experiences doesn’t mean it’s the same situation. Try to meet triggers with compassion, but also try to be realistic. Even if your partner was simply in a rush and forgot to clean up, you might feel hurt.Ĭonsidering where your feelings come from can help you let things go more easily. With your ex, this messiness was a part of a pattern of disrespectful behavior. Perhaps you’re deeply upset by your partner leaving their clothes strewn around the room because it reminds you of how your ex constantly expected you to clean up after them. You might get overwhelmed by the feelings you experienced back then, not the current situation. When you encounter these triggers, you might feel like you’re back in the past. Sometimes, things may bother you because they act as a trigger - they might remind you of upsetting past events. Consider where your feelings are coming from This is part of developing emotional maturity.įor example, you might notice, “I feel annoyed because my partner signed us up to volunteer this weekend without consulting me,” or “I feel angry because my partner spent all night out with his friends without telling me where he was.” 3. Try to pause and tune in to how you’re feeling and why. You might feel a rush of emotions without really understanding any of them. When you’re overwhelmed, identifying how you feel can be difficult. This may help you handle arguments effectively. Research, like this 2018 review, shows that deep breathing can be helpful for reducing stress and anxiety. You might do this by going on a walk or meditating. Rather try to say something like, “I’m quite upset right now. This isn’t to say that you should be giving your partner the silent treatment. This can help you unwind, gain some perspective, and address the situation in a constructive way.
You might want to move away from the situation and decompress on your own. Instead of responding right away, consider taking a moment. When you feel angry, hurt, neglected, or frustrated, it can be tough to figure out how you should react to your partner. Try to pause and breatheĪny intense emotion can make it difficult to think clearly. But, here’s where an active decision takes place – do you want to focus on the things that you don’t like, or do you focus on saving your relationship? Many happy couples make a conscious choice every day. You may still find that some things bother you.
It’s OK to let things go in a relationship, as long as you’re clear on the things that you won’t tolerate. 5 tips to let things go in a relationship
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